Entries Tagged as 'Things Forwarded'

Don’t drink and drive poster

This is a cool optical illusion image. As you can see, the text seems to be moving fluidly. A little bit of warning though, don’t stare on it too much, it may cause you a headache.

The image is a static JPG, and not an animated GIF.

Don\'t drink and drive

Filipino Wit

This came as a forwarded message from the group at Yahoo! to which I’m subscribed to. I think it has been passed around via email. This article is credited to the one who originally wrote it.

[start article]

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT
Nury Vittachi - THE FAR EASTERN ECONOMIC REVIEW

This week, we shall take a “reading tour” of one of the most spirited communities in Asia . The Philippines is full of word play. The local accent among many Filipinos, in which English words with “F” are spelled and pronounced with the sound of “P” and V is pronounced as “B” (because the Philippine alphabet has no letters F or V), is often used very cleverly, such as, the sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

Much of the word play in the Philippines is deliberate with retailers and various businesses favouring a play on names of Western establishments and celebrities (Americans, in particular– -movie stars and entertainment personalities, especially). For example, there is a bread shop in Manila called Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day and Night, a garment shop called Elizabeth Tailoring, and a barber shop called Felix The Cut.

Reader Robert Harland also spotted a bakery named Bread Pitt, and a Makati fast-food place selling “maruya” (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing, and a boutique called The Way We Wear ; a video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental; a restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken, a local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s, a doughnut shop called MacDonuts, a shop selling “lumpia” (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll, and two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travellers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the “Taglish” (the Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino accent), such as, at a restaurant menu in Cebu : “We hab sopdrink in can an in batol” [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle]. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises [translation: Beads and Pieces –or– Bits and Pieces].

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words, but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to “correct” them. A reader named Antonio “Tonyboy” Ramon T. Ongsiako, (now there’s a truly Filipino name), contributed the following interesting Philippine signs and advertisements:

In a restaurant in Baguio City (the “summer capital” of the Philippines ): “Wanted: Boy Waitress”; on a highway in Pampanga: “We Make Modern Antique Furniture;” on the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : “We Shoot You While You Wait;” and on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila : “Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier.”

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression, such as, a shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: “We Sell Imported Robber Shoes” (these could be the “sneakiest” sneakers); and a rental property sign in Jaro, Iloilo reads: “House For Rent, Fully Furnaced” (it must really be hot inside)!

Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique–if not altogether odd. Reader Gunilla Edlund submitted a sign that she saw at the ticket booth in the ferry pier in Davao City in southern Philippines , which said: “Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation. ”

European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia, which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively- -(believe it or not)!

According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because “. . .we are a country where a good sense of humour is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and retiring actors.

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Points To Ponder

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity.

I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station….
what more can I say……….

Practice makes perfect…..
But nobody’s perfect……
so why practice?

If it’s true that we are here to help others,
then, what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

How come “abbreviated” is such a long word ?

Money is not everything.
There’s Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Save water.
Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbor.
But don’t get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only
thing in life.

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children

“Your future depends on your dreams”
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a
day than waking up every morning

“Hard work never killed anybody”
But why take the risk !

“Work fascinates me”
I can look at it for hours !

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two’s company,
three’s the result !

A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without
restricting the view

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

How To Control Emotions

This would give you guides on how to control your emotions towards your better-half, friends, officemates and all the people around you, especially your “boss”. The rules of practicing “ugaling langit, ugaling kaaya-aya” :

  • Ang naunang magalit ang may karapatang magalit. Pag naunahan ka na ng galit niya, tumahimik ka na lang muna.
  • Walang taong nag-aaway mag-isa. Pag hindi kayo sumagot o pumatol, titigil din daw ang taong nakikipag-away sa inyo.
  • Ang taong galit, ‘bingi.’ If someone is angry, wala raw pinakikinggan, so, don’t try to explain and fight back. Hindi ka niya iintindihin dahil wala siyang naririnig kundi ang sarili nya.
  • Ang taong galit, ‘abnoy.’ Ayon sa pastor, Biblical daw ito? because the Lord said when He was crucified, “Father, patawarin mo sila dahil hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.” Modern term for these kinds of people are abnoys, so you better not get angry para huwag kang matawag na abnoy. You should also know and realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewel, because you need them for you to mature. Hangga’t andyan daw sila at kinaiinisan mo, ibig sabihin, immature ka pa. God will not take away those people; it’s for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You’ll know na mature ka na pag dumating ‘yung time na hindi ka na naiinis sa mga taong ito because you have learned to accept them and to have patience with them.
  • Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself na, because of this
    person, “I will grow mature,” and that DAHIL SA CONTRIBUTION NIYA SA
    MATURITY MO, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD.

Ang Lessons Mula Kay Itay At Inay

  1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako ng HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas. Mga punyeta kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay.”
  2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay.
    “Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!”
  3. Si Itay, tinuruan niya kami ni Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng TIME TRAVEL.
    “Kung di kayo tumigil ng pagngangawa diyan, tatadyakan ko kayo ng todo hanggang umabot kayo sa isang linggo!”
  4. Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC.
    “Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko.”
  5. Kay Inay din ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC.
    “Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa manonood ng sine.”
  6. Kay Itay naman natuto ng FORESIGHT si Kuya.
    “Siguraduhin mo na lagi kang magsusuot ng malinis na brief, para pag nakascore ka sa syota mo e di kahiya-hiya.”
  7. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sahibin ng IRONY.
    “Sige ngumalngal ka, kundi bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!”
  8. Kay Inay ako natuto ng science of OSMOSIS.
    “Punyeta, itigil mo ang kadadakdak at tapusin mong kainin ang inihanda kong hapunan para sa iyo.”
  9. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM.
    “Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tignan mo!”
  10. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng STAMINA.
    “Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga’t di mo natatapos kainin lahat yang gulay mo!”
  11. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng WEATHER.
    “Alangya, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!”
  12. Sa CIRCLE OF LIFE, ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay ay ganito:
    “Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maaari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito.”
  13. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Tatadyakan kita diyan, huwag ka ngang nag-uumarte diyan naparang Nanay mo!”
  14. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY.
    “Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?”
  15. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION.
    “Tangna kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay…!”
  16. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung ano ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING.
    “Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!”
  17. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa aking kung ano ang HUMOR.
    “Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawn mover, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpohin kita!”
  18. Kay Itay naman natuto si Kuya ng HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “Kung di ka matutong magbati, eh di ka nga tatangkad.”
  19. Si Inay ang nagturo sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS.
    “Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya.”
  20. Kay Inay din ako natuto ng WISDOM.
    “Pag umabot ka na ng edad ko, saka mo pa lang maiintindihan ang lahat.”
  21. At ang paborito ko sa lahat na natutunan ko kay Inay at Itay ay kung ano ang JUSTICE.
    “Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, panalangin namin na sana’y matulad sila sayo… haliparot!”