Archive for the ‘Humor Post’ Category

15
Nov

A lawyers argument

   Posted by: Ryman Tags:

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, “I’d give Php500.00 to spend the night with that woman.”

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with Php250.00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating “If you don’t give me the other 250.00, I’ll sue you for it.”

He laughed, saying “I’d like to see you get it on these grounds.”

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

His lawyer said “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented.”

After the usual preliminaries, the lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows: “Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of Php500.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only Php250.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. “Your honor,” he said, “my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted.”

The young lady’s lawyer answered thus “Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted.”

In the Judge’s decision, he provided for two options: “pay the Php250.00 or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages.”

The defendant wrote a check immediately

13
Nov

Marital Definions

   Posted by: Ryman Tags: ,

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS: Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

9
Nov

Your Korean name

   Posted by: Ryman Tags: ,

I found this at the bulletin section posted by a friend on Friendster. You can construct your Korean name using your own birth date. Come on, give it a try.

1: Surname : Korean surname is the last number in your year of birth.
- 0: Park
- 1: Kim
- 2: Shin
- 3: Choi
- 4: Song
- 5: Kang
- 6: Han
- 7: Lee
- 8: Sung
- 9: Jung

II. Middle name : is your month of birth.
- 1: Yong
- 2: Ji
- 3: Je
- 4: Dong
- 5: Hye
- 6: Sang
- 7: Ha
- 8: Hyo
- 9: Soo
- 10: Eun
- 11: Hyun
- 12: Rae

III. Name : is your day of birth.
- 1: Hwa
- 2: Woo
- 3: Joon
- 4: Hee
- 5: Kyo
- 6: Kyung
- 7: Wook
- 8: Jin
- 9: Jae
- 10: Hoon
- 11: Ra
- 12: Bin
- 13: Sun
- 14: Ri
- 15: Soo
- 16: Rim
- 17: Ah
- 18: Ae
- 19: Neul
- 20: Mun
- 21: In
- 22: Mi
- 23: Ki
- 24: Sang
- 25: Byung
- 26: Seok
- 27: Gun
- 28: Yoo
- 29: Sup
- 30: Won
- 31: Sub

This is just for fun so don’t take it seriously. :P

8
Nov

Iba’t Ibang Klaseng Ka Opisina

   Posted by: Ryman Tags: ,

Sa mata ng isang boss, may isang dosenang klase lang ng empleyado.

CLOWNS - ang official kenkoy ng office. May mga one-liner na gumigising sa lahat kapag nagkakaantukan na. Sabi ng ilang boss, eto raw yung mga KSP sa office na dahil hindi naman matalino, o kadalasang matalino na tamad lang, eh dinadaan na lang sa patawa ang pagpapapansin. Pero aaminin ko, walang opisinang walang ganito, at kung meron man, magigigng malaking sakripisyo ang pagpasok sa work araw-araw.

GEEKS - mga taong walang pakialam sa mundo. Papel, boss, at computer lang ang iniintindi. Kahit na mainit na ang ulo ng boss at bad trip, ang mga geeks ang walang takot na lumalapit sa boss at nagtatanong kung mag-iiba ang result ng entry kung isa-substitute ang value ng debit sa credit.

HOLLOW MAN - may 2 uri ng H.M. virus, ang Type A at Type B. Ang type A ay ang empleyado na madalas na invisible sa office, bakante ang upuan, madalas absent. Ang type B naman ang pumapasok sa office bagamat present eh inivisible naman ang work, at hollow ang utak.

SPICE GIRLS - barkadahan ng mga magkaka-ibigang babae mahilig gumimik, sabay-sabay pero laging late na pumapasok. Madalas na may hawak na hairbrush at songhits [ngiyeh! how jologs!-gbs]. Pag pinagawan mo ng group works, sila ang madalas na magkaka-grupo.

DA GWAPINGS - ang male counterpart ng Spice Girls, isinilang para magpa-cute. Konti lang ang members nito, 2-3 lang para mas pansin ang bawat isa. Tulad ng Spice Girls, kadalasang puro Hair Gel lang ang laman ng utak ng mga Da Gwapings.

CELEBRITIES - Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politician ang mga palaban na empleyado na mas nag-aalala pa sa kalagayan ng kompanya at mga kapwa empleyado kesa sa performance. Athletes ang ilang ‘varsitarians’ na kung gaano kabilis pumasok eh ganon kabagal mag-work. Performers naman ang mga empleyado na kaya lang yata pumapasok eh para makasayaw, kumanta, at makatula sa stage kapag organizational day. Sa pangkalahatan, ang mga celebs ay matindi ang PR, pero mababa ang IQ.

GUINESS - mga record holders pagdating sa persistence. Pilit pinupunan ang mga kakulangan sa katalinuhan. Sila ang mga kadalasang nagtatagumpay sa buhay. Masinop sa work. Mabilis mag-work, kahit na laging mali.

LEATHER GOODS - mga empleyadong maling uri ng determinasyon meron. Laging determinado ang mga ito sa harapang pangungupit, bulgarang pandaraya, at palagiang pagpapalapad ng papel sa boss. Talo ang mga buwaya sa pakapalan.

WEIRDOS - mga problematic employee, misunderstood daw, kadalasang tinatawag na black sheep ng office. May kanya-kanya silang katangian, konti ang kaibigan, madalas mapaaway, mababa ang evaluation, at boss’s enemy.

MGA ANAK NI RIZAL - Ang mga Endangered Species kumbaga. Straight ‘A’ employees pero well rounded at hindi geeks. Boss’s pet pero hindi sipsip. Busy sa work pero may oras pa rin sa extra-curricular activities, at gimiks.. Hanep!

BOB ONGS - Mga medjo matino na may sayad…

COMMONERS - mga generic na member ng class. Kulang sa individuality, at katangiang umuukit sa isipan. Hindi sila agad napapansin ng boss pag absent, at sa paglipas ng panahon, sila ang mga taong nakakalimutan ng mga boss at co-employees nila.

4
Nov

Mga Seryosong Tanong

   Posted by: Ryman Tags: ,

1. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?
Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (Milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)

2. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?
Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag umaga, kapag gabi ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

3. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?
Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila’y makatakas o ang tinatawag na “fire escape”.

4. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?
Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalagutan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

5. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa jolibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na chicken joy?
Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masaya kung kaya’t sila’y tinawag na chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa jolibee patayin ang manok upang ito ay maging masaya… ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. kundi… mcchicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pcs. chicken mcnuggets o yung nasa bucket )

6. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day , 7 days a week at 365 days a year. bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? bakit ? bakit?
Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 1 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kpag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

7. Bakit di mataas ang highway?
Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

8. Ba’t alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?
Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumitingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay “fly”-lipad, “over”-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan. Alam kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata, Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8 at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pangmayaman kaya’t huwag na kayong mag-pumilit mamilosopo… ako lang ang may karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na mayroon kayong sunroof, hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na sense of humor”.

(reposted from Techie - old Darkmoon)