Short random jokes, to get you up and smiling.
TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn’t she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
sexy girl nagkukumpisalpari: iha ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
sexy: father pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalakeng nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
pari: tang ina, hindi nga?!
mamamatay tao nangungumpisal…pari: iho ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
lalake: father pag nakakarinig po ako ng taong maka-diyos, nagagaliiti ako at gusto kong pumatay…kayo po father makka-diyos po ba kayo?
pari: sino yun???
After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.In the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Japanese”.
One week later, a Filipino newspaper reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500 metres, Filipino scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology”.
Iba ang PINOY!!!!!
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. “Jerves,” she said.”Take off my dress.” He did this carefully.”Jerves,” she continued.” Take off my stockings and garter.” He silently obeyed her. “Jerves,” she then said. “Remove my bra and panties.” As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, “Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you’re fired!”
Juan: bday ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
TAGALOG CLASSTeacher: O.k. class, today we will be translating english to tagalog. Who would like to go first?
Student 1: I will go first mam.
Teacher: I want you to translate “I have a blue book” in tagalog.
Student 1: That’s easy mam. “Meron akong Libro na asul.”
Teacher: That’s very good. O.k., who would like to go next?
Student 2: Ako po mam, me, me, right here, I want to go next.
Teacher: O.k, o.k. I want you to translate guy, mother, father, and you, and put in a sentence.
Student 2: Yon lang pala eh, madali lang yan. “Guy” is Ma, “Mother” is mama, “Father” is Tay, “You” is Ka.
Teacher: That’s good! O.k., now put it in a sentence.
Student 2: No problem! Mam, “Ma-Mama-Tay-Ka”.
Babae: Mahal, labing-labing naman tayo ngayong gabi. Kase sabi ng doctor ko may taning na ang buhay ko at hanggang bukas na lang ako mabubuhay.
Lalake: Ayoko nga! Maaga pa ako gigisng bukas eh, buti ikaw hindi na.
A woman is standing in line at the pearly gates talking to St. Peter when she hears an awful scream. “What was that!?” she asks.”Oh don’t worry,” St. Peter replies, “That was the person before you getting the holes drilled in their back for their wings.”
“Ouch,” she blurts.
Again she hears another ear-shattering scream. “Now what was that?” she inquires.
St. Peter responds, “The same person was getting holes drilled in their head for a halo.”
Terrified the woman looks St. Peter in the eyes and says, “I think I’d rather go to hell.”
He responds, “No, no you don’t want to do that, you’ll be raped and sodomized there!”
The woman pauses and replies, “Well, at least I already have the holes for that!”
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison
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