Eternalmoonlight.net

I was waiting at our usual meeting place. I’m still thinking what to say, or what will be my final decision. I’m not sure of my answer, I still haven’t decided yet. Then she came. We’ve had our talk, the usual conversation, just catching up on each other. Then she asked the question, again. The question that I still doesn’t have an answer. The question that I said I needed more time to decide.

She asked if it is really over between us. I answered it with another question. I asked her what she wants me to say. She said that if she can have it her way, she wants us to get together again. She still loves me and that, even time, hasn’t changed. She was still wishing… hoping… that someday it will come. I asked her another question, hoping that I could stall a little more time before I gave her my decision. But still she insisted on my answer to her final and most important question.

I told her that every time I tell her to stop bugging me these past few months; I thought that I could get over her and move on. And that I can find another girlfriend just so I won’t think or miss her that much. I know from past experiences that I can easily move on from one ex-girlfriend to the next. But I knew this one is different. Maybe because of the circumstance I’m in or maybe the current situation. I said to her that I can’t decide on my answer yet because I’m still not sure of what I’m feeling. From the time we broke up, until now, I keep telling myself that I don’t love her anymore. But why do I keep missing her, it’s been 8 months since we have our separate ways. Still I look for ways to forget about her, so as not to think about her. I even kept myself busy everyday. Still… I can’t find the answer to a simple yes or no question.

Do you still love me? If not then we could have our separate ways. We will not see each other again, nor have any form of communication. But if yes, we can be together again. And that I promise to change just for the sake of keeping our relationship. That’s what she said.

Then and there I finally decided. Like what I always say, what ever happens, happens.

I told her that when I say no, I’m sure that sooner or later I will regret my decision. She knows that I don’t regret anything that happens in my life. But maybe this is the first time I’m going to regret something. I seldom decide anything for myself; I usually let destiny or fate decide things for me. But this time I have to decide for the both of us. So I answered her…

Yes.

And that I would give our relationship another chance. I maybe afraid of the outcome if I said no. Or maybe I’m just afraid that for the first time in my life I will regret something that I’ve decided for myself. But I said to her, that if our relationship still didn’t work out, and we broke up again, it will be the last time.

She smiled. She said, so we’re together again this seventeen. I answered, well not exactly. I said you have to breakup with your boyfriend first before we can be together again. I just don’t want her to be a two-timer or something. And besides she’s just using him as a ‘fallback’ just because she’s afraid that our relationship will never mend again. They’ve been together for 2 months, but she still want’s to be with me. I asked her to take her time or to make her own decision. I said that I will wait for her if she wants.

She said that I could wait until tomorrow, when she breaks up with her bf. And besides it’s not exactly February 17 (her birthday & our anniversary) that we got together. It was 18, the next day.

Category: Random Rants //
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