Eternalmoonlight.net

I was waiting at our usual meeting place. I’m still thinking what to say, or what will be my final decision. I’m not sure of my answer, I still haven’t decided yet. Then she came. We’ve had our talk, the usual conversation, just catching up on each other. Then she asked the question, again. The question that I still doesn’t have an answer. The question that I said I needed more time to decide.

She asked if it is really over between us. I answered it with another question. I asked her what she wants me to say. She said that if she can have it her way, she wants us to get together again. She still loves me and that, even time, hasn’t changed. She was still wishing… hoping… that someday it will come. I asked her another question, hoping that I could stall a little more time before I gave her my decision. But still she insisted on my answer to her final and most important question.

I told her that every time I tell her to stop bugging me these past few months; I thought that I could get over her and move on. And that I can find another girlfriend just so I won’t think or miss her that much. I know from past experiences that I can easily move on from one ex-girlfriend to the next. But I knew this one is different. Maybe because of the circumstance I’m in or maybe the current situation. I said to her that I can’t decide on my answer yet because I’m still not sure of what I’m feeling. From the time we broke up, until now, I keep telling myself that I don’t love her anymore. But why do I keep missing her, it’s been 8 months since we have our separate ways. Still I look for ways to forget about her, so as not to think about her. I even kept myself busy everyday. Still… I can’t find the answer to a simple yes or no question.

Do you still love me? If not then we could have our separate ways. We will not see each other again, nor have any form of communication. But if yes, we can be together again. And that I promise to change just for the sake of keeping our relationship. That’s what she said.

Then and there I finally decided. Like what I always say, what ever happens, happens.

I told her that when I say no, I’m sure that sooner or later I will regret my decision. She knows that I don’t regret anything that happens in my life. But maybe this is the first time I’m going to regret something. I seldom decide anything for myself; I usually let destiny or fate decide things for me. But this time I have to decide for the both of us. So I answered her…

Yes.

And that I would give our relationship another chance. I maybe afraid of the outcome if I said no. Or maybe I’m just afraid that for the first time in my life I will regret something that I’ve decided for myself. But I said to her, that if our relationship still didn’t work out, and we broke up again, it will be the last time.

She smiled. She said, so we’re together again this seventeen. I answered, well not exactly. I said you have to breakup with your boyfriend first before we can be together again. I just don’t want her to be a two-timer or something. And besides she’s just using him as a ‘fallback’ just because she’s afraid that our relationship will never mend again. They’ve been together for 2 months, but she still want’s to be with me. I asked her to take her time or to make her own decision. I said that I will wait for her if she wants.

She said that I could wait until tomorrow, when she breaks up with her bf. And besides it’s not exactly February 17 (her birthday & our anniversary) that we got together. It was 18, the next day.

Category: Random Rants by Ryman
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Last Saturday night I was at SM City Fairview looking for a place to eat dinner. While I was strolling along the food court, I received a text message from Joanne. She said that she’s waiting at our ‘usual’ meeting place, back when we were still together, and that she would wait for me there for one whole hour. I knew that she used Smart’s ‘friend finder’ that’s why she knew I was at the mall at that time. I didn’t want to reply to her but I also don’t want her to be waiting there, so I replied back. I told her that I’m not going to see her and that we don’t have anything to talk about. I also told her that it’s useless to wait for me as I was not going there anyway.

I found a place to eat. I switched my phone to silent so that I won’t be disturbed by the constant beeping noise due to the numerous text messages from her. Half way through my dinner, I checked on my phone. There were a couple of text messages, and eleven missed calls. She was persistent, but I didn’t mind it. After I finished eating, I went immediately to the mall’s exit. I took a different route and a different ride home, just so I wouldn’t bump on her or something. Coz both our destination and route are the same as when we were going home. After I got back home, I checked my phone. Again, a couple of text messages and more than a dozen missed calls.

Sunday morning. My phone was full of text messages; one of them caught my attention. She said that she already has a boyfriend. She didn’t tell me, but they were together since March 8. She also told me that they are planning on living together. She still loves me, that’s what she said. And she still wants for us to get back together. I don’t know what to say. I was there, still lying on my bed, reading the message. I know that I’m happy for her that she got a new boyfriend. I replied to the message. I told her only this, that I would accept her invitation for us to see each other again. But I also said that when we meet, that will be the last time she would ever see me. She replied back, she said that she didn’t want to hear what I have to say. She was afraid that I will tell her that it’s really over and that there’s no chance that we could be together again.

[flashback]

History is repeating again, I should know. That’s almost the same as what I’ve told Rizza (my 8th ex-gf), the day before we broke up. I told her that the next time we meet; it would be the last time. The day of our ‘official’ breakup, was almost like any other day for us. I’ve waited for her at our usual meeting place, Robinson’s Galleria. We had our lunch, we talked. It was both a happy and a sad day for the two of us. As I took the bus going back home, she joined me. She asked me then and there if she could hug me one last time. Of course, I said. After that short and warm hug, she stood up and got off the bus. I knew, before she stepped out of the bus, she was crying.

[/flashback]

The last of Joanne’s text message says that when the time comes that we see each other again, for our last meeting; she wants it to be one whole day for only the two of us. I agreed.

Damn. When I remember that flashback, my heart beats irregularly. I have to admit that one of my ‘many’ big mistakes was letting go of Rizza. Will I make the same mistake again?

Category: Random Rants by Ryman
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The moment I enter my room, the first thing I do is open my computer and let it connect to the internet. We only have a dial-up connection (thanks to the super slow PLDT DSL service which we were waiting for these past few years!!!) that means when I’m connected, the phone line is busy. The only time I disconnect is when I’m going to use the phone, or run a program that consumes a lot of memory resources, or when I’m not home. In short, no one can call me at home if I’m not expecting their call.

Fate, it seems, has a way of doing things unexpected. Last night, I need to disconnect because I have to burn tons of files into a blank DVD. When ‘burning’ to a blank CD/DVD your process must not be interrupted or else the files will get corrupted. Anyway as I finished recording my files, I was about to connect when suddenly my phone rang. I’m not expecting a call from anyone so I hesitated to pick up the phone. After a few rings, I decided to pick it up to know who it was. I was hoping it would be a wrong number, but fate decided someone else. It was Joanne. As luck would have it, she got through to my “always busy” phone line. I really didn’t expect her to call after all these months.

She asked how I’ve been, how’s my work, if I already have a girlfriend, if I’m still doing fine, about my health. I’m not sure but from the tone of her voice she’s somewhat happy now. The whole conversation was about me, she asked so many questions, just so she can catch up on what I’ve been doing these past few months. The only question I can ask her is how she’s handling her new work. I never did ask any personal question about her. We talked for almost half an hour.

It’s good to hear that she’s happy with her life right now. It’s what I’ve always wanted for her, to be happy. Even if our relationship didn’t work out, I still consider her as my friend. We’ve been through a lot since she became my friend, until the day we had our separate ways. Only a few people know who I really am, and she’s one of them, for she has known me for more than 6 years.

A couple of months ago, our conversation ended with me telling her that we have to cut our lines of communication. It’s for the both of us, for one cannot move forward unless he or she is still tied to the past. I know it’s hard, but it’s the only option we have. Now I have the more reason to change my mobile number as well as my landline. I just hope she doesn’t PM me on any online community I’m registered. Oh wait she already did, just last week, but I didn’t replied.

I just hope she understand that I’m not only doing this for myself, but for her as well.

Category: Random Rants by Ryman
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